As I am walking out the door

I finish work at my current university in two days, after ten years in the same unit. Everyone has asked me how I’m feeling about it and I am most often at a loss how to answer. Not because I’m overwhelmed or upset, but because it feels weirdly ‘normal’ and positive in so many ways. 

Weirdly normal because I’m  probably in denial about what it means to leave a job and start another as I haven’t done it for ten years. But also because of the context in which I’m leaving.

I am not leaving for bad reasons: I don’t hate the job, I’m not bored, I don’t have issues with anyone. I still love my job and the people I get to work with across the whole place. I had thought I might  wander up to retirement from this job and it would be my last one. The pull factor of a very shiny opportunity upended that plan, though, and here I am on the cusp of the move. 

My time at La Trobe has a ‘best of times, worst of times’ vibe.

Best of times? My role as a researcher developer is a career dream fulfilled – I did not know such a job existed and it is exactly what I want to be doing. Starting at RED was my first time ever fully occupying this kind of job rather than having res dev elements alongside other roles. Having a researcher-centred focus in the work meant that I could do the job in smooth alignment with my values and priorities. It is a privilege indeed. On top of that, it enabled me to work with colleagues within and external to the university in very satisfying ways. I hope that my work’s successful outcomes have been happier, thoughtful, proactive, empowered and/or connected researchers. Or, from another angle, researchers who feel they can ask pointier questions about how we work and make safer, more satisfying work cultures for themselves and others. 

Worst of times? Institutionally and sector-wide, the past ten years has seen a lot of change and major restructures everywhere. The damage done during these processes cannot be overstated. We lost so many colleagues, felt distrust of institutional processes and leaders, felt betrayed (Jobs Protection Framework, anyone? No, I’m not over that one), and had to deal with being devalued and treated as disposable. Personally, when the worst thing happened in my life and I lost my partner, continuing to work was both the hardest thing and a saving grace. But, through all these worst times, I am grateful to have encountered and experienced the best of colleagues. They surrounded me with their generosity of spirit and support, worked with meaningful solidarity against divisiveness, centred the health of our academic community, and gave me purpose as I was grieving.

To my La Trobe friends and colleagues, past and present: Thank you. For all of it. For keeping your focus on making the world a better place even as it fell apart around us. For your integrity in the face of difficult choices and personal hardship. For making the 250/350 bus rides bearable and noteworthy. For being open to new ways of doing things. For making me feel welcome and valued through the years. For still being my friend even though I was a #CaffeineStan and you leaned towards Bachelor, Grafali, or House of Cards. 

Especially to the RED team, in its current and previous forms: You have taught me so much and given me a home in academia that I have never had before and never dreamed could exist. You are the university I want to see and our work nourishes me and fills me with hope. Long may our collaborations continue. 💖